My Love of a Certain Dope
by Transylvanian Mockingjay
Summary: A possible three-shot involving Eddie and Columbia's first attempt at a "date" outside of the Frankenstein Place, one month after they begin seeing one another. Columbia is going to perform a tap routine in a local variety show with Eddie in the audience. Will Frank find out and stop them? Rated T to be safe, I own nothing. R&R please! :D
1. A Pretty Good Team

**Greetings once again, Earthlings! This is my very first attempt at a RHPS multi-chap. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but now I think it will be at least a three-shot. I wanted to write some Eddie and Columbia since I primarily ship her with him (though I can't resist a little bit of Frank in the beginning and even some Riff-I can't help it; she's so shippable!) So here it is-reviews would be greatly appreciated! I've only written for each of them very briefly in my music shuffle challenge, which had little dialogue and no real concept to it. Even though the genres are "Drama" and "Romance", there is some humor too. There will be some Frank later on and possible Riff and Magenta. Oh, and I got stumped for a title, which is what resulted in the lyrics from Rose Tint My World. I own nothing; all characters belong to the wonderful Richard O' Brien! **

With one quick circling motion around her head, Columbia sprayed the fine mist from her large can of hairspray evenly throughout her reddish-pink bob to hold it in place. She carefully went to secure the cap back on when her elbow knocked the palette of purple eye shadow to the tiled floor with a loud clatter. "Shoot!" She seethed through her teeth, retrieving it quickly and taking a second to make sure there were no footsteps outside. Finally able to relax, she turned to applying her lipstick. Moments later, a loud knock at the bathroom door jerked her hand upward in a nervous reaction and smeared the orangey color up onto the tip of her nose. She quickly covered her mouth and tried not to breathe too heavily, certain that she would hear Frank's voice come booming through the paneling any second, demanding to be let in. But her fears were soon alleviated when a much softer and American-accented voice whispered instead.

"Columbia? You in there?"

She sighed in relief and slowly turned the knob on the bathroom door, opening it to find Eddie, her accomplice in this plan, and of course; secret admirer from the Frankenstein Place. Tonight was huge for her. She would be performing a tap routine for a variety show at a dance hall in Denton, and Eddie planned to come and watch. If Frank knew any of this, he would be enraged and put a stop to it immediately. It was the first time they had attempted any kind of "date" outside the castle walls.

"Eddie, look what you made me do! I thought we agreed on a code knock! You scared me half to death!"

Eddie tried to hide his smirk upon seeing her smeared lipstick.

"Sorry dollface", he mused while reaching out a thumb to carefully wipe the excess lipstick away. "But you know, ya still looked foxy anyway", he adds with a sly wink. Columbia blushes, thankful to have already applied her heavy rouge. "Aw, you big hunk, come here!" She can't help but hide the slight squeal to her voice this time, even while whispering, and grabs hold of Eddie's ivory scarf as he cups the back of her neck. Their lips meet for a soft, but deep- and quiet- kiss. As they pull away, Columbia now stifles her own laughter, realizing she has left quite a bit of the fresh orangey tint on Eddie's mouth in the process.

"What?" he asks, eyebrows raised.

Columbia slowly opens the bathroom door so that he can see his reflection in the mirror.

"Consider it payback!" She whispers playfully as she grabs a tissue and begins to wipe it off.

"'Lumbia, I can't get past Frank with your lipstick on!" Eddie hisses, now concerned and trying to help her wipe with another tissue lying on the sink.

Columbia momentarily furrows her brow in worry, but succeeds in helping remove the color.

"There, it's all gone. See?" She motions back to the mirror, where they both automatically glance at their reflection. Eddie sighs in relief, and runs a hand through his outermost wave of coiffed jet-black hair for good measure. Columbia is relieved to find that her black silk bathrobe is still tied tightly enough to hide her costume for the big show later on. She didn't want Eddie seeing it beforehand. She hooks her arm in his and leans her head against his leather jacket sleeve, still staring straight ahead at the couple before her.

"We make a pretty good team, dontcha' think?" She inquires with a slight and brief smile, not breaking eye contact from her reflection.

Eddie stares for a second at the tiny young woman next to his hulking frame and her distant expression. She almost seems sad. And he knows why. The circumstances between them were anything but ideal. It wasn't exactly orthodox for two essential prostitutes being used and paid by the same person to date each other, much less have to sneak around in between these frequent sessions past the extremely cunning duo that was Riff Raff and Magenta. Eddie had his own room on the second floor, so he had it much easier than Columbia-she was always making excuses for leaving her and Magenta's room early or arriving late; usually saying that Frank had requested her presence or had kept her much longer than he had planned. Eddie wondered if the Domestic actually believed it. Columbia was not a good liar. And Eddie avoided Magenta and her brother like the plague, usually only seeing them at dinner and struggling to not make eye contact. But he and Columbia had devised a system that worked-so far, anyway. It was to their advantage that the castle was so monstrous and had eight floors, each with several rooms, and stairs that lead to each floor, which alleviated the noise caused by taking the elevator. So far, they had never met in the same place twice. They came up with strict rules for these meetings: only whispering (which, unfortunately had put a halt to many a romantic advance; but it had only been a month, after all-and the constant string of foreplay seemed to make their involvement even _more_ intimate and anticipatory), no personal belongings left anywhere or with the other, and always change clothes; if not shower as well, after leaving. This made sure that Frank wouldn't be able to detect the scent of either of them on the other at any time in the future. They had thought of everything.

Eddie snaps back to reality and turns to face his best-kept secret. "The best," he says as hid hands move down to her hips and pull her into his chest, her arms squeezing around his back in a tight embrace. Soon his hands go even further and he lifts her up to bring her to eye level. Columbia can't help but squeal slightly as she wraps her legs around his back and arms around his neck. Their foreheads meet, knowing that the debacle with her lipstick was enough to almost cause suspicion.

"Are ya suuure you don't want me to see that costume yet doll?" Eddie begs with the tone of an impatient child.

"I'm sure! Wait until the show, huh?" Columbia smilingly whispers as she pulls back to speak to his pouty expression. "You're gonna love it", she adds with a wink.

"Oh, I never doubted that, babe!" Eddie says with raised eyebrows as he leans back in. He carefully presses a kiss to the side of her neck, then her jawline, her cheek, her ear, and finally, her forehead as she sighs in delight. "You're gonna knock 'em dead out there," He says sincerely as he lowers her back to the ground in her sock feet, glancing over at the sparkly tap shoes sitting in the corner, waiting to come to life.

"But first I have to finish getting ready!" Columbia insists, holding up her gold reflective tube of lipstick before turning to re-apply it. Eddie watches her precision application for a moment, taking in her beauty. When she finishes, she looks up to find that he has vanished. Confused, she sticks her head cautiously out of the opening into the narrow, dimly lit hallway and sees him, leaning casually against the door frame and holding a bouquet of a dozen pink roses sprinkled with multicolored glitter. Perfect for her.

Columbia gasps slightly and her eyes widen at the sight. "Eddie….they're beautiful!" She puts a hand to her chest and blinks back any tears that threaten to surface. No guy had ever gotten her flowers before. Not even Frank, back when she was a person to him and not just a toy. But she didn't want to look like a sap in front of the king of cool.

"Thank you!" She exclaims as quietly as possible while tentatively taking the bouquet, as if it might disappear into thin air if she touched it. "But I thought we agreed no presents? To be safe?" She asks.

Eddie runs a hand through that same lock of hair and shrugs. "I know, but I couldn't let my starlet go on tonight without a good luck gift!" Columbia looks at the floor, blushing again, incredulous at how utterly sweet her tough, biker, rock-n-roll boyfriend was being. But…was he really her boyfriend? He had never referred to himself as so, or to her as anything but Columbia, 'Lumbia, or any of the plethora of pet names he used frequently. So…what were they?

Columbia snapped out of her wondering trance and smiled back down at the flowers, smelling them. "I'll hide these somewhere in one of the back rooms, okay? I'd take 'em with me and show 'em off, but I don't wanna drop any petals." Eddie nodded and the pair stood silent for an awkward moment, looking around at nothing in particular. "Well..." Columbia started. "I'll see you in an hour, okay? Make sure to come in the back way at the hall. And remember, if you see Frank, Magenta, or Riff on the way out-"

Eddie then cut her off. "-Tell them I'm going to fix the pickup truck like Frank asked me to a month ago. Have to take it to a mechanic. Friend of mine."

"Right," Columbia nods. And what about me?

"I saw you earlier in passing and you were really sick. Something catching. You're gonna bed up in one of these rooms up here tonight."

"Exactly", she says. "Frank is terrified of human illnesses."

Eddie glances down the hall at the dusty clock on the peeling wallpaper. If it's correct, it is now 8:37. With a slight sigh, he glances down at his Columbia, cradling the flowers like a baby.

"You'd better get going. Don't leave anything in there. And hide those good," he says, gesturing to the bouquet. "Uh…break a leg, or whatever it is you stage people say," he adds sheepishly, taking her hand in his. "See you up there, doll." He presses a kiss to the back of her hand and turns to go.

"Wait!" Columbia whisper-yells." Eddie turns back around just in time for her to attach to him like a leech, hugging tightly. "Be careful!"

"I will", Eddie responds. He absent-mindedly leans down for a kiss.

"Lipstick!" Columbia exclaims, earning a signature groan from her leather-clad prince. She giggles lightly. "Later, I promise." Eddie smiles down at her as she turns to go clean up the bathroom and blows him a kiss.

"Later", he echoes, sliding around the corner and heading to the top of the stairs. All he had to do now was get out of the house safely and over to the dance hall. And make sure Columbia did the same. Tonight was so special to her. It would be easy…right?


	2. The Escape

**I'm back, Earthlings! Sincerest apologies for the extreeeemely long wait on this chapter; it has been an insane semester in college and I've finally found some time to plan out the next part of our little saga and get it going. A million billion trillion THANK YOU's to those of you who reviewed my last chapter and wanted to read more! So now, without further ado and no more antici…pation, I present Chapter Two. Hope you enjoy!**

**(Oh, and side note: Magenta's lines have "V's" in place of "W's" to emphasize her accent; if this is a major annoyance please let me know and I will write further Magenta stuff normally! Just thought it would help with her characterization). **

Eddie reached the last five steps of the long staircase and triumphantly jumped onto the banister, sliding down its remaining length and sticking the landing; biker boots planted into the filthy plush carpet of the second floor hallway. He was rounding the small corridor that led to the fire escape, which would provide a much easier route out of the castle than the first floor exits, when he slammed into the back of Magenta; who was furiously trying to uncoil a vacuum cleaner cord.

The two let out simultaneous sounds of surprise as Magenta was knocked to the ground knees-first and Eddie nearly toppled the vacuum cleaner over on top of her. He hurriedly grabbed it and stood it back up as the Domestic pushed herself up and spun around to face him; glaring daggers.

"YOU IMBECILE! VATCH VERE YOU'RE GOING!" She thundered, standing at the tallest her heels would allow in comparison to his height. Eddie begun to break out in a cold sweat at the sight before him; worried about the otherworldly maid foiling his plan and slightly terrified at the spectacle she was creating. If her equally intimidatingly odd brother were nearby, there would surely be trouble. Not that Eddie couldn't easily take a hunchbacked worm like him in a fight, but Frank would never stand for it and Eddie would be kicked out. His temper had not served him well over the years.

"S-sorry about that, uh, Magenta-didn't see you there", he stuttered while running a hand through his hair and mussing it slightly. It was the first time he had ever even used her name and their first real conversation; as she had simply glared those black hole eyes at him the first day he carried luggage into the castle.

"Won't happen again. You, uh, need any help with that?" he asked, gesturing to the mangled vacuum cord and hoping to save some face.

Magenta gritted her teeth and defensively snatched up the cord.

"No, I do not. Now get out of my vay."

Eddie nodded obediently and shuffled past the Domestic as quickly as possible, briskly walking down the long hallway en route to the fire escape. He remembered what he was supposed to tell Magenta or her brother about his and Columbia's whereabouts, but she clearly didn't care to ask and therefore he thought it better to just leave. He was already around the next corner when Magenta grabbed the handle of the vacuum and noticed a glittery orange residue from where Eddie's thumb had earlier smeared the makeup that came from a certain Groupie's nose.

Meanwhile, Columbia had just finished gathering the remains of her makeup kit and had wiped any stray powder out of the sink in the bathroom. She stuffed her tap shoes and the makeup case into her large tote bag and carefully cracked the door open, checking for signs of her alien housemates. When the coast seemed to be clear, she sighed in relief and clicked off the bathroom light, closing the door behind her. She was halfway down the hall, on the way to the first floor's kitchenette door that would lead to the woods behind the castle, and, eventually the uptown part of Denton; when she realized in horror that she had left the bouquet of flowers resting on the edge of the bathtub in plain sight. She turned and started to double back when Riff Raff appeared at the top of the stairs, shuffling towards said bathroom with disinterest, and much closer than she.

"Riff!" She squeaked, snapping the Handyman out of his permanent zoned-out state and forcing him to acknowledge the rapidly approaching Groupie.

Rif sighed slightly and stopped just before the door.

"Yes, Col_u_m-bia?" he asked, emphasizing the last two syllables of her name.

"Are you going in there?" She asked, pointing to the door with a great amount of worry on her heavily made-up face.

"Yes, in fact I am; you see the master has demanded that all of the light bulbs in each bathroom be changed to red bulbs so that he may be reminded of home," he drawls as Columbia noticed the box of light bulbs under his arm.

"Er…that's, uh, great Riff, but I wouldn't go in there if I were you. I've been feelin' kinda sick and I think I coughed some human germs all over the sink. I was just going back in to clean 'em off", Columbia explained at rapid fire pace; ending her little spiel with an overdramatic series of coughs in the other direction. Some liar she was! 

Riff inquisitively raised one eyebrow at the Groupie.

"Columbia, how many times have we explained to you that human illnesses cannot be contracted by Transylvanians? The master may be…paranoid, but nevertheless my sister and I have told you the truth."

Columbia felt the blush rising in her hot cheeks and began to bite on her lower lip, trying her hardest to think up another excuse to get Riff out of her way. Currently, she could only think of the silly tactic she had seen on sitcom television shows in which one character causes another to step into a room or closet in search of something, only to have the door slammed and locked behind them. That, of course, was no option in this case as it would only cause Riff to make a commotion and Frank to find out and become enraged, with some sort of punishment for Columbia later on. No, that definitely wouldn't do.

Columbia took on a sweeter and less frantic tone as she spoke.

"Riff, you have enough work to do without cleaning up the bathroom too…and you know Frankie will want it cleaned when he hears I'm sick!" She punctuates her last few words with more dramatic coughing.

"Let me change the light bulb and you can move on to the next bathroom", she offered; reaching into his box to grab a dusty red bulb before Riff could pull the box away.

Not wanting to get further caught up in whatever the bathrobe-clad girl was hiding; Riff shifted slightly and looked Columbia straight in the eyes for the first time in their entire encounter.

"Very well then, Columbia. Thank you for the…assistance."

Riff started to shuffle past her when Columbia blocked his path and briefly threw her arms around his neck for an incredibly awkward and one-sided hug, in which she squeezed tightly and drew back to let go; sure she had heard at least one of his joints pop.

"You're welcome Riff!" She squeaked, obviously more relaxed and at ease now that her plan had seemingly worked.

"I'm 'gonna sleep up here tonight in case Frankie asks," she declared, happy that at least one part of her and Eddie's lie had hopefully checked out; though she wondered if he had had to use his excuse of taking the pickup truck to a mechanic.

Riff took a second to re-compose himself after the odd display of affection and managed almost a third of a smile at the Groupie as he nodded and finally made it past her to the elevator.

Columbia hurriedly slid back into the bathroom with a sigh.

"Whew! That sure was close!" she mused, gently gathering the bouquet in her arms and almost turning the knob when she remembered the bulb in her hand. With a slight groan, Columbia set down her things and turned off the light, only to realize it was too dark to see what she was doing. She cracked the door open slightly to gain some light and went to unscrew the old bulb, drawing back when it burned her fingers briefly. Soon enough, the red bulb was miraculously screwed in and casted an uncomfortable bloody glow on the room. She examined her face in the mirror; hair and lips blending in with the rest of the light in the room.

"Gee, how many Groupies does it take to screw in a light bulb?" she mused as she flipped off the switch again and gathered everything-including the flowers-and rushed into a nearby bedroom. There, she found a random dust-covered liquor cabinet in the corner and shoved the bouquet inside, trying to hide it behind the glass bottles of whiskey and scotch. It would only take a little creative searching for someone to find it, but what were the odds? It would have to do. Columbia carefully closed the cabinet and rushed back to the hallway, padding down the corridor in her sock feet and taking four flights of stairs to reach the first floor kitchenette. When the coast was clear, she burst out into the warm night, hurriedly securing her tap shoes and sprinting through the wooded terrain towards The Denton Deluxe; for this one little shot at Eddie getting a glimpse of her favorite thing in the world.

**Chapter Three should be on its way ASAP! I'm hoping to get this story moving along much faster and in the end, it should have a total of maybe 6 to 8 chapters. I tend to get long-winded when I write and get too caught up in details and dialogue, so making this a two or three shot would have just resulted in gigantic chapters. I know this one wasn't ridiculously exciting, but that should change soon! Please let me know what you think!**


End file.
